Let’s Talk About Shame: Rewriting the Narrative Around Sexuality

Shame is heavy. It’s isolating. And when it comes to sexuality, it can feel almost impossible to shake. For so many of us, shame isn’t just a fleeting feeling—it’s a weight we’ve carried for years, sometimes without even realizing it.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to carry that weight forever. Shame around sexuality often isn’t something we create—it’s something passed down through generations or imposed by societal norms. The first step to breaking free is recognizing this truth: That shame isn’t yours.

So, what can you do instead? You start rewriting the story. By asking yourself Whose story am I living when it comes to my sexuality, and what do I want mine to be instead? you take the first step toward reclaiming your power.

Where Does Sexual Shame Come From?

Sexual shame doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s taught, reinforced, and passed down through cultural, familial, and societal messages. Understanding its origins can help you start to unpack it:

1. Generational Shame
   Many of us inherit shame around sexuality from family members who were taught to repress, judge, or fear certain aspects of their own. These attitudes often go unquestioned, becoming deeply ingrained in the next generation.

2. Cultural Norms
   Societal standards often dictate what is “acceptable” or “normal” when it comes to sexuality. If you don’t fit into those rigid boxes, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong—or worse, that you are something wrong.

3. Religious Influence
   For many, religious teachings can be both a source of comfort and a cause of shame, particularly when those teachings conflict with personal feelings or experiences.

4. Media and Pop Culture
   Unrealistic portrayals of sexuality in media can make you feel like you’re not enough—or that you’re too much. These messages often create harmful expectations and reinforce shame.

The Impact of Sexual Shame

Carrying shame around your sexuality affects more than just how you see yourself—it impacts your relationships, your confidence, and your ability to experience joy and connection. Here’s how shame can manifest:

• Self-Doubt: You might question your desires, wondering if they’re “wrong” or “too much.”
• Disconnection: Shame often creates barriers between you and your partner, making it hard to fully connect.
• Fear of Vulnerability: The fear of judgment can stop you from sharing your true self, even with those closest to you.

The good news? Shame doesn’t have to define your story.

How to Reclaim Your Sexual Story

Breaking free from shame takes intention, courage, and compassion. Here’s how you can start rewriting the narrative:

1. Recognize That Shame Isn’t Yours
   Shame is often something society, culture, or family places on you—it’s not an inherent truth about who you are. Acknowledge that the shame you feel is external, not internal.

2. Ask Yourself the Big Questions
   Start reflecting on your relationship with your sexuality:

   • Whose story am I living when it comes to my sexuality?
   • What messages about sexuality did I grow up with?
   • What do I want my story to be instead?

3. Challenge the Narrative
   When shame-based thoughts arise, question them. For example:

   • “Is this belief really mine, or does it come from someone else?”
   • “What evidence do I have that this thought is true?”
   • “How would I talk to a friend who felt this way about themselves?”

4. Surround Yourself with Support
   Seek out communities, resources, or professionals who affirm your journey. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, or a coach, connection can help you feel less alone.

5. Celebrate Your Truth
   Reclaiming your story is a brave and beautiful act. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remind yourself that your story is yours to define.

A Personal Reflection

Growing up, shame became a constant presence in my life, shaped by both my faith and societal messages about responsibility, morality, and worth. When I was a young child, I experienced something that no one should ever have to endure. Instead of recognizing that the harm done to me wasn’t my fault, I internalized the shame. My faith taught me that I was responsible for my actions, and society reinforced the idea that I should have done something differently to prevent it.

For years, I carried that shame like a heavy chain, believing the narrative that what had happened was my burden to bear. The shame wasn’t just about the event itself—it seeped into how I saw myself, my worth, and my ability to connect with others.

It wasn’t until much later that I began to question those beliefs. I started asking: Whose shame is this? The more I reflected, the clearer it became that this shame didn’t belong to me—it never had. Slowly, I began to rewrite the story I’d been told about myself.

That process wasn’t easy. It required unlearning the harmful narratives I’d absorbed and replacing them with truths rooted in self-compassion and understanding. I realized that what happened to me was not my fault, and that no one else’s judgment—not faith, not society—had the right to define my worth.

Letting go of that shame was one of the hardest and most liberating things I’ve ever done. It taught me that shame loses its power when we examine where it comes from and decide to rewrite the story.

That’s what I want others to know: shame isn’t yours to carry. When you start to question the narrative and reclaim your truth, you create space for healing and freedom.

Your Invitation: Start Rewriting Your Story

If you’re ready to break free from shame, here’s where to start:

• Reflect on your current narrative around sexuality.
• Identify where those beliefs come from.
• Take one small step toward rewriting the story in a way that aligns with your truth.

Remember, this process takes time and self-compassion. You don’t have to have it all figured out overnight. Every small step you take is a victory—and a powerful reminder that you are in control of your story.

Final Thoughts

Shame might be heavy, but it’s not unshakable. By recognizing that shame isn’t yours to carry, asking the right questions, and rewriting the narrative, you reclaim your power.

Your sexuality is yours to define, and you deserve a relationship with it that feels safe, authentic, and joyful. So take that first step. Start breaking the chains of shame, and watch how your story transforms. 🌟